I have found, that some days, it is best just not to even go there. And today was one of those days.
Up to the point where I was pulling out of the parking lot at work, I wasn't sure if I was going to the barn or not. But it was gorgeous, and I decided I would go and just go for a trail ride. But I am so stressed and worn out right now, I nearly broke down into tears at the barn today. I got TBM out, he was fine. I tacked him up, and took him to the parking lot to mount and head down the driveway. There were horses in the outdoor tearing around, horses loading up after a trailer in lesson, and a lot more activity than we are used to. Which is not a problem, really. TBM was a bit 'up' and very interested in what was going on. Still a total gentleman, and not being naughty at all. But I could feel my fuse getting shorter and shorter. "OH, no, girlfriend, we are NOT going there." I turned us around, and untacked. It was time to admit defeat for the day. I could certainly have gotten on and headed down the trail. But I know myself well enough to realize that it would have been neither pleasant nor productive nor relaxing. It would have been miserable for both TBM and myself, and would have been a setback. I would have been way too negative and prone to strong reprimands for very slight infractions. That is not fair to TBM.
TBM was certainly puzzled when I untacked him and put him back in his paddock. I'm sure everyone else at the barn was just as puzzled. But today, I had to quit in order to win.
Am I disappointed in myself? Yes, and no. Yes, because I don't want to let my life interfere with my riding. No, because I was able to realize where things were heading and avoid that crash course. *sighs* Ideally, I would like to be able to see the router, and take an alternate path. But I just didn't have it in me today.
I have two more days of working this odd shift, and then I am back to my normal shift. It will probably take me a few days to get to feeling normal again. And I am so excited to get back to my schedule. Also, today is day #8 of working. Because of the shift change, I didn't get a weekend in there. And I suspect that may have something to do with me being so tired and stressed as well.
Pooh. Not happy with the last two days at all. And I am not going to the barn tomorrow, either. Friday ought to be interesting...I think I'll plan to just lunge. *sighs*
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Hi, Shelby. You did the right thing. Working full-time can cause its stresses, and I was wondering if you were working while participating in such a full training schedule, especially with all of the driving. The Valley is so spread out that doing things after work can be challenging. You are doing an amazing job. I'm sure TBM will be happy with just scratches and carrots sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI asked you a few dressage questions on the March 8th entry. So when you are feeling intellectual (lol), I'd love to hear your answers.
TTYL, Vic
Thanks, Vic. I do know it was the right thing to do in that instance. But it still depresses me that I couldn't 'rise above' what was going on to put in a good ride. But, I guess I'm only human! *laughs*
ReplyDeleteGive me another couple of days, and I promise to go back to your questions. My brain is fried right now!